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Dealing With The Holidays And Divorce (Part Two)

Divorcing a narcissist

Divorcing a narcissist is always difficult. It is even more difficult during the holidays. Merriam-Webster defines narcissistic personality disorder as being “characterized especially by an exaggerated sense of self-importance, persistent need for admiration, lack of empathy for others, excessive pride in achievements, and snobbish, disdainful, or patronizing attitude.”

While narcissistic behavior isn’t easy to deal with at any time of the year, it is particularly trying during the holiday season when a narcissist’s traits are even more intensified, bringing with them a greater appetite for attention, control and confrontation. If you are dealing with or are divorcing a narcissist this holiday season, the Tulsa divorce law firm of Fry & Elder empathizes with you and wishes to offer a few tips on how to better navigate through the holidays while separating from or divorcing a narcissist.

Keep Your Cool

As hard as this might be to do, it is imperative, particularly if you are going through a contested divorce or child custody battle, to not fight back with a narcissist. This doesn’t necessarily mean lying down, but it does mean letting things go and not showing vulnerability, which is what narcissists often feed off.

Take Gestures of Kindness and Compassion with a Grain of Salt

If your ex is showing concern for you this holiday season, odds are those gestures are nothing more than manipulative tactics he or she is trying to engage you in. While it may seem like an act of kindness, remember that a narcissist really only truly cares about himself or herself.

Communicate Only When Required

This might seem extreme, especially if you have children, but you will be better off in the long run if you limit lines of communication when at all possible with a narcissist. Co-parenting with a narcissist is at best futile and at worst a disaster. Establish firm but clear boundaries and remember that maintaining them is in the child’s best interests.

Know that a Proven Tulsa Divorce Law Firm is Just a Phone Call Away

For nearly 50 years, the name Fry & Elder has been recognized with elite Tulsa divorce and child custody representation. That reputation has helped the Fry & Elder achieve national recognition as evidenced by the firm making the U.S. News & World Report’s Best Law Firms list each of the past four years.

Fry & Elder attorneys Robert G “Hap” Fry Jr. and M. Shane Henry are experienced and skilled in handling divorce and child custody cases involving a narcissist. Fry named Lawyer of the Year for Family Law in Tulsa for 2016 by Best Lawyers®, while Henry was recognized as the 2016 Oklahoma Family Law Attorney of the Year by the Oklahoma Bar Association Family Law Section. Fry is also one of just of just 19 Oklahoma attorneys to be a Fellow of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers.

Fry and Henry, along with Aaron D. Bundy and T. Luke Barteaux all garnered Super Lawyers® accolades. Firm attorneys Lorena Rivas and Kirsten Bernhardt are skilled immigration law and guardianship attorneys, respectively, while James R. Elder, Katie Egan and Melissa Fell round out a talented team of attorneys. Contact Fry & Elder today.

Fry & Elder Immigration Law Attorney Rivas Shines at Event

Immigration Law Attorney Lorena Rivas

Less than five years removed from law school, Oklahoma immigration law attorney Lorena Rivas is already considered by many to be an authority figure on immigration law.

Earlier this month the Fry & Elder attorney demonstrated her thorough knowledge and understanding of the complexities of immigration law when Rivas presented at a CLE event hosted by the Tulsa County Bar Association. Her presentation, titled “Immigration Law for the General Practitioner,” was well attended and touched on a number of Oklahoma immigration law issues including trial techniques in immigration cases.

“It was good to educate attorneys on the obscure area of immigration law quickly after the recent presidential election where immigration was such a hot topic,” Rivas said.  “Immigration law is a very complex area of the law that now is reaching more and more the regular practitioner.  It was really nice to see a good size crowd, in which the grand majority were not immigration practitioners.”

Immigration law attorney

A Proven and Reliable Immigration Law Attorney

Rivas is a member of the American Immigration Lawyers Association and focuses most of her practice at Fry & Elder on immigration law issues that include the following:

In addition to being a prominent immigration law attorney, Rivas stays active in the Tulsa community. She is the coach of local high school mock trial team and has also written articles for the Hispanic publication La Semana del Sur. It is because of these efforts and prowess as an Oklahoma immigration law attorney that Rivas was recognized by the Tulsa Business & Legal News for its annual Women of Distinction Awards earlier this year.

Experience the Fry & Elder Difference

Fry & Elder’s team of decorated attorneys has helped the Oklahoma law firm achieve national prominence. The U.S. News & World Report has named Fry & Elder to its exclusive Best Law Firms list each of the past four years. Tulsa divorce lawyer Robert G “Hap” Fry Jr. was named Lawyer of the Year for Family Law in Tulsa for 2016 by Best Lawyers® and he is one of just 19 attorneys in the state of Oklahoma to be named a Fellow of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers.

Fellow Fry & Elder partner M. Shane Henry was named the 2016 Oklahoma Family Law Attorney of the Year by the Oklahoma Bar Association Family Law Section, while Aaron D. Bundy and T. Luke Barteaux, along with Fry and Henry also garnered Super Lawyers® accolades earlier this fall. Contact Fry & Elder today to set up a consultation with an elite Oklahoma trial lawyer.

Oklahoma Trial Lawyers Bundy and Henry Published in OBJ

Oklahoma trial lawyers

If Oklahoma trial lawyers Aaron D. Bundy and M. Shane Henry ever wanted to embark on a new career, the two Fry & Elder attorneys could dapper into the world of writing and publishing. After all, Bundy and Henry have now had their written work published an eye-popping five times this year. Their latest installation – Nos. 4 and 5 – are featured in this month’s edition of The Oklahoma Bar Journal, which is the official member publication of the Oklahoma Bar Association.

With the publication’s theme this month as “Trial by Jury,” it made sense that the acclaimed and experienced Oklahoma trial lawyers weighed in on the matter.

Oklahoma trial lawyers

“Slaying the Speaking Objection Dragon” provides insight into why speaking objections are unprofessional and bad courtroom practice. Bundy and Henry discuss some different techniques trial lawyers can use and incorporate to deal with speaking objections.

The duo went on to end their article by stating the following: “Credibility is everything at trial. A calculated approach for addressing speaking objections can enhance our credibility with the court while neutralizing our opponent’s bad behavior. Like many aspects of trial practice, the exercise of discretion is key. The nuclear option is not necessary if simple diplomacy will resolve the issue. ‘If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.’”

In “Leading the Way,” Bundy and Henry discuss the importance of being able to ask leading questions to hostile witnesses, specifically during cross-examination. The tactic of employing leading questions during cross examination is a powerful because as Bundy and Henry said: “When we are able to use leading questions, we can deliver facts efficiently rather than in a narrative, open-ended manner.”

Oklahoma trial lawyers

Accomplished Oklahoma Trial Lawyers Who Make a Difference

Bundy and Henry’s most recent written efforts cap off a memorable fall for the duo and the rest of Fry & Elder. Earlier in the month Henry was named the 2016 Oklahoma Family Law Attorney of the Year by the Oklahoma Bar Association Family Law Section.  Henry, Bundy and fellow Fry & Elder attorneys Robert G “Hap” Fry Jr. and T. Luke Barteaux also were recognized by Super Lawyers®, while Fry & Elder made the prestigious U.S. News & World Report’s Best Law Firms list for a fourth consecutive year. If you are looking for a team of experienced and accomplished Oklahoma trial lawyers, don’t hesitate to contact Fry & Elder today.

Dealing With The Holidays And Divorce (Part One)

Holiday visitation schedule

Thanksgiving arrives tomorrow to signify the beginning of the annual holiday season. While the holidays are a highly-anticipated time of the year for many families, some families will be split up this holiday season for the first time because of divorce. Dealing with a divorce or the recent effects of divorce can be trying, particularly during the holidays for couples with children.

The Oklahoma divorce lawyers of Fry & Elder realize this and urge those couples with children who will be split up for the first time to come up with a holiday visitation schedule that each parent can sign off on if they have not already. Below are a few things to consider when writing out a holiday visitation schedule for separated parents.

Give & Take

It is important to understand going into the scheduling process that no party is going to get exactly what they want. Your child can only be in one place at one time so there needs to be a little give and take. This approach works much smoother when the parents respect one another and the fact that they both love and want to spend time with their child.

Create Ways to Share the Holidays

The most classic model of a holiday visitation schedule for divorced parents probably is the even-year, odd-year formula in which one parent gets certain holidays during the even years and one during the odd years. Some holidays could of course be parent specific. For example, one parent may have a longstanding Memorial Day weekend tradition that they want to keep intact, while the other may have an established Labor Day tradition.

Remember that Memories are Made During the Holidays

On the surface, it may seem like children most look forward to the holidays because of the gifts, food, traditions and getting a break from school. While these are all important elements of the holiday season for a child, deep down it is the time spent with each parent that they will remember and cherish most vividly. This is important for each parent to keep in mind during the holidays. Because there will be a break from school, each parent should try and best maximize their time with their child – keep them active with activities and outings and don’t be afraid to incorporate some new traditions into the holiday mix. These types of things will further expand on your child’s holidays memories with you.

Experience the Fry & Elder Difference

If you are going through a divorce this holiday season and have children, know that there are resources available. The Oklahoma family law firm of Fry & Elder has been consistently recognized as one the elite family law firms in the nation, having been named to the U.S. News & World Report’s Best Law Firms list for each of the past four years. Robert G “Hap” Fry Jr. is one of only 19 attorneys in Oklahoma to be a Fellow of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers and also has been named  Lawyer of the Year for Family Law in Tulsa for 2016 by Best Lawyers®. Fellow Fry & Elder partner M. Shane Henry was recently named the 2016 Oklahoma Family Law Attorney of the Year by the Oklahoma Bar Association Family Law Section.

In addition to Fry and Henry, trial lawyers Aaron D. Bundy and James R. Elder have each achieved the prestigious AV® Preeminent Peer Review Rating by Martindale-Hubbell®. If you need help drafting or modifying an existing holiday visitation schedule don’t hesitate to contact Fry & Elder today.  

Fry & Elder’s Egan Gives Back To The Tulsa Community

Tulsa community involvement

While attorneys at the Tulsa law firm of Fry & Elder are most known for their courtroom prowess, Fry & Elder lawyers are also active in the Tulsa community.

Katie Egan is the latest Fry & Elder lawyer to make a positive impact in the Tulsa community. Egan served as this year’s Chair of the annual Champagne & Chocolate Gala presented by Living Arts of Tulsa. The event, which “raises funds for contemporary art exhibits, performance art events, new music concerts and spoken word events” was held this past weekend in the Brady District.

“This was my second year helping with the event,” Egan said. “I volunteered last year and then they asked me to chair it this year.  I had an amazing time helping out this year.  To be able to showcase local artists and their fabulous pieces while at the same time raising money for an organization that gives so much back to the community was a phenomenal opportunity.”

The event was well attended and well publicized. Multiple media outlets interviewed Egan about the Champagne & Chocolate Gala, including Tulsa CBS affiliate KOTV Channel 6. The event is just one of many that takes place in the Tulsa community during the holiday season.

Tulsa community involvement

“I think it’s important that if you have the time to volunteer in the community that you try and do so,” Egan said. “The holidays are a great time to get involved and meet some new people.”

Egan became the first female attorney to work at Fry & Elder when she was hired in 2015. Before arriving at Fry & Elder, Egan practiced law in Connecticut and New York where she is also licensed. Much of her practice centers around high-asset family law cases.

In addition to Egan, Fry & Elder immigration law attorney Lorena Rivas also has made and effort to give back to the Tulsa community through her involvement as the mock trial coach for Union Alternative High School. Fellow Fry & Elder attorneys Robert G “Hap” Fry Jr., James R. Elder, M. Shane Henry, Aaron D. Bundy, T. Luke Barteaux, Kirsten Bernhardt and Melissa Fell have also all been active in Tulsa community related events over the years.

Oklahoma Family Law Firm To Launch Holiday Divorce Series

Oklahoma family law firm

The Oklahoma family law firm of Fry & Elder has been synonymous with family law for nearly 50 years. In fact, a strong case that Fry & Elder is the most decorated and acclaimed family law firm in the state.

Fry & Elder has been listed in the renowned U.S. News & World Report’s Best Law Firms list each of the past four years. Divorce attorneys Robert G “Hap” Fry Jr. and M. Shane Henry were named the Lawyer of the Year for Family Law in Tulsa for 2016 by Best Lawyers® and the 2016 Oklahoma Family Law Attorney of the Year by the Oklahoma Bar Association Family Law Section, respectively. Fry is also one of only 19 attorneys in Oklahoma to be a Fellow of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers.

A big reason why Fry & Elder has established itself as one of the most prominent Oklahoma family law firms has been because of its innovative approach in family law matters like divorce, child custody and child support that always seek to aid current and prospective clients. With that in mind and Thanksgiving this week, Fry & Elder has put together a 7-part blog series on how to handle divorce and the holidays. The first blog will run Wednesday and one will follow each subsequent Wednesday after through Jan. 4. The schedule and topics covered are as follows:

  • Week 1 (Wed, Nov. 23)
  • How to manage holiday scheduling
  • Week 2 (Wed, Nov. 30)
  • How to deal with a narcissist during the holidays
  • Week 3 (Dec. 7)
  • How to put kids first while going through a divorce during the holidays
  • Week 4 (Dec. 14)
  • How to survive and manage your time during the holidays if you don’t have the children
  • Week 5 (Dec. 21)
  • Should divorced parents spend Christmas together
  • Week 6 (Dec. 28)
  • The gift of divorce and what you can look forward to
  • Week 7 (Jan. 4)
  • New Year and new beginnings, deciding it’s time to file for divorce

The holidays are hectic enough for many; going through a divorce or dealing with child custody matters only makes the holiday season more frenzied. Because of the stress associated with the holidays, some couples make the decision to file for a divorce after the New Year. They are not alone as a recent study indicates.

An Oklahoma Family Law Firm You Can Count On

Whether you are going through a divorce or thinking about filing for a divorce this holiday season, Fry & Elder has the team and experience in place to help you best navigate through this difficult time. In addition to Fry and Henry, firm attorneys Aaron D. Bundy and James R. Elder have each garnered the prestigious AV® Preeminent Peer Review Rating by Martindale-Hubbell®. The firm’s T. Luke Barteaux, Henry, Bundy and Fry were each recently recognized by Super Lawyers®.

Fry & Elder attorneys Lorena Rivas, Kirsten Bernhardt, Katie Egan and Melissa Fell round out the firm’s talented staff of trial lawyers. Contact Fry & Elder today to set up a personal consultation with an elite Oklahoma family law attorney.

Possible Legal Implications for Oklahoma Licensed Professioals

Oklahoma trial lawyers

Simply being involved in any legal action is serious and stressful, but the stakes can be heightened when your job is on the line.

Professionals, such as doctors, lawyers, counselors and police officers, are all regulated and must have a license from the State in order to work in their respective areas. As those professions all have significant educational and training requirements, each professional license is the product of thousands of hours of effort, investment and education.

Professional licenses all have a “requisite moral character” component, and licenses can be placed in jeopardy by allegations of professional or personal misconduct made in protective orders and divorce cases and criminal charges with complaints to the licensing body. If you find yourself going through such a legal issue, it is imperative that you speak with an Oklahoma trial lawyer in a timely matter to discuss the possible implications of what is at stake for you professionally.

The Oklahoma trial lawyers at Fry & Elder represent professionals including lawyers, doctors and police officers in licensure hearings, criminal cases and family law matters. If you have a professional license and are the subject of a complaint, consider the following tips:

  • Contact a lawyer before speaking to an investigator. An attorney can assist you concerning any potential questioning
  • Preserve your records
  • Do not ignore an investigation, regardless whether it is justified or not
  • Do not contact the complainant
  • Do not discuss the complaint publicly, including social media

The trial lawyers at Fry & Elder handle sensitive matters where parental rights, licenses and liberty are at stake.

Why Consider Fry & Elder Oklahoma Trial Lawyers

The Oklahoma trial lawyers of Fry & Elder are not only some of the most decorated in the state, but in the country. This much has been evident in the national recognition the firm has commanded. The U.S. News & World Report recently named the firm to its Best Law Firms list for a fourth consecutive year. Individually, Oklahoma trial lawyers Robert G “Hap” Fry Jr., M. Shane Henry, Aaron D. Bundy and T. Luke Barteaux all garnered Super Lawyers® accolades. Even more impressive is the fact that Fry was named the Lawyer of the Year for Family Law in Tulsa for 2016 by Best Lawyers®, while Henry was just named the 2016 Family Law Attorney of the Year by the Oklahoma Bar Association Family Law Section.

Additionally, Fry & Elder’s Lorena Rivas is one of the most acclaimed Oklahoma immigration law attorneys, while Kirsten Bernhardt has previously won a judgement in excess of $10 million from Coca-Cola and is an accomplished litigator in guardianships, family law and criminal law cases.

In addition to Oklahoma, Fry & Elder attorney Katie Egan is licensed to practice in New York and Connecticut. Melissa Fell focuses much of her practice on the increasingly popular concierge attorney, while partner James R. Elder is one of four Oklahoma trial lawyers at the firm to hold the distinguished AV® Preeminent Peer Review Rating by Martindale-Hubbell®. Contact Fry & Elder today to speak with an experienced and accomplished Oklahoma trial lawyer.

Henry Named Oklahoma Family Law Attorney of the Year

real-shane-pic

The accolades and awards keep pouring in for Fry & Elder attorneys. The esteemed Oklahoma family law firm captured yet another big honor when trial lawyer and partner M. Shane Henry was recognized as the 2016 Family Law Attorney of the Year by the Oklahoma Bar Association Family Law Section during its annual meetings this past week in Oklahoma City.

The most recent honor adds to the impressive tab that Fry & Elder has compiled over the past month, which includes being named to U.S. News & World Report’s Best Law Firms list a fourth consecutive year and firm attorneys Henry, Robert G “Hap” Fry Jr., Aaron D. Bundy and T. Luke Barteaux garnering Super Lawyers® recognition.

“It’s been a really big month for us,” Henry said. “I definitely feel honored to be recognized as the Family Law Attorney of the Year by the Oklahoma Bar Association Family Law Section because there are a lot of really outstanding family law attorneys throughout Oklahoma, including a few at our Fry & Elder offices. I am very fortunate to be able to work with such a talented and accomplished staff. They are a huge reason for this award.”

real-courtney-and-luke

Making the moment all the more enjoyable for Henry was the fact that Barteaux, who is the Family Law Section Chairperson, presented the award and Fry & Elder law clerk Courtney Najera was tabbed the 2016 Oklahoma Bar Association Family Law Section Law School Student of the Year.

As an aspiring family law attorney, Najera said she draws inspiration from her mother and fellow family law attorney Melissa Cornell, along with her colleagues at Fry & Elder.

“Working at Fry & Elder provides the most exceptional opportunity to learn from individuals who constantly strive for excellence,” Najera said. “The firm’s dedication to bettering the legal community is truly inspiring. Fry & Elder attorneys never fear pushing the boundaries of legal tradition to modernize and better every aspect of trial advocacy. It is an honor to work with the firm.”

A Trusted Name in Oklahoma Family Law

Henry’s honor adds to the long list of achievements Fry & Elder has had in the realm of Oklahoma family law. Fry Jr. is one of just one of just 19 attorneys in the state to be named a Fellow of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers and he also was selected by Best Lawyers® as its Lawyer of the Year for Family Law in Tulsa for 2016.

If you are facing a complex or contested divorce, child custody or other Oklahoma family law issue, contact Fry & Elder today to set up a consultation with an experienced and accomplished Tulsa family law trial attorney.

Fry & Elder on Best Law Firms List a Fourth Straight Year

The Tulsa law firm of Fry & Elder has long been considered a dynamic and elite law firm. This was further validated Tuesday by the U.S. News & World Report, which tabbed Fry & Elder to the publication’s esteemed Best Law Firms list for a fourth consecutive year for its prowess in family law.

Best Law Firms“It’s a really neat honor to be noticed and singled out by a publication the stature of U.S. News & World Report,” Fry & Elder partner Aaron D. Bundy said. “The list of firms that they compile really is a who’s who of law firms. It’s very elite company.”

The selection to the 2017 Best Law Firms list, which was unveiled Tuesday, comes shortly after Fry & Elder trial lawyers Robert G “Hap” Fry Jr., M. Shane Henry, T. Luke Barteaux and Bundy were each honored by Super Lawyers® in October.

To be eligible to make the Best Law Firms list, the firm must have “at least one lawyer who is included in Best Lawyers® in that particular practice area and metro.” Fry more than fits the bill, as he was selected as the Lawyer of the Year for Family Law in Tulsa for 2016 by Best Lawyers® .

Best Law Firms Coordinator Valerie Smith said the selection process is stringent and thorough.

“Best Law Firms rankings are based on a rigorous evaluation process that includes the collection of client and lawyer evaluations, peer review from leading attorneys in their field, and review of additional information provided by law firms as part of the formal submission process,” Smith said.

Added U.S. News & World Report executive editor Tim Smart: “U.S. News is the global authority in rankings. Evaluating law firms is a natural extension of what we do best.”

Experience the Fry & Elder Difference

That Fry & Elder was selected to the Best Law Firms list for their outstanding work in family law should not come as a surprise. The Tulsa firm has drawn high praise from its work on high-conflict, high-resolution divorce and child custody cases. In fact, Fry is one of just 19 attorneys in the state of Oklahoma to be named a Fellow of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers.

Meanwhile, Fry & Elder’s Lorena Rivas is a rising star in the immigration law community, while Kirsten Bernhardt focuses much of her practice on guardianships and has previously won a judgement in excess of $10 million from Coca-Cola. The firm’s James R. Elder, Katie Egan and Melissa Fell round out a talented staff that is among the most decorated in the state. Contact Fry & Elder today to set up a personal consultation with an attorney from a proven Tulsa law firm.

Super Lawyers Selects Four Fry & Elder Attorneys to Elite List

Super Lawyers® has unveiled its 2017 selections, and, as expected, the Tulsa law firm of Fry & Elder was well represented.

Super Lawyers

All total, four Fry & Elder attorneys earned accolades from the prestigious legal publication highlighted by Robert G “Hap” Fry Jr. being selected as a Super Lawyer for the 12th consecutive year. It’s a significant number, as the renown Tulsa divorce attorney has made the list every year since Super Lawyers® began selecting attorneys in 2006.

In addition to Fry, trial lawyers Aaron D. Bundy (2014-17), T. Luke Barteaux (2015-17) and M. Shane Henry (2016-17) each were chosen as Super Lawyers® Rising Stars.

“It’s always nice to be honored by your peers and clients,” Fry said. “Super Lawyers has a very thorough and comprehensive selection process. It is a big honor and for our firm to have four honorees. It speaks volumes on the expectations we have here at Fry & Elder.”

As Fry said, the selection process Super Lawyers incorporates is one of the most respected in the industry. The best 5 percent of attorneys in a specific practice area are selected as Super Lawyers, while 2.5 percent of lawyers in a given practice area are chosen as Rising Stars.

The Super Lawyers website says the selection process is as follows:

“Super Lawyers selects attorneys using a patented multiphase selection process. Peer nominations and evaluations are combined with independent research. Each candidate is evaluated on 12 indicators of peer recognition and professional achievement. Selections are made on an annual, state-by-state basis.

“The objective is to create a credible, comprehensive and diverse listing of outstanding attorneys that can be used as a resource for attorneys and consumers searching for legal counsel. Since Super Lawyers is intended to be used as an aid in selecting a lawyer, we limit the lawyer ratings to those who can be hired and retained by the public, i.e., lawyers in private practice and Legal Aid attorneys.”

With the U.S. News & World Report set to announce its annual Best Law Firms List  at the beginning of November, Fry & Elder likely will have another prestigious honor soon coming its way. The Tulsa law firm has been selected to the list each of the past three years.

In addition to being named a Super Lawyer the past 12 years, Fry is also one of only 19 attorneys in the state to be named a  Fellow of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. He also was named the Lawyer of the Year for Family Law in Tulsa for 2016 by the esteemed legal publication Best Lawyers®.

Fry, Henry, Bundy and fellow partner James R. Elder have each garnered the AV® Preeminent Peer Review Rating by Martindale-Hubbell®.

Whether you are dealing with a family law, criminal law, immigration law or personal injury legal issue, contact the Tulsa law firm today to speak to a proven and accomplished trial lawyer.

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