Fry & Elder

Tulsa Family Law Firm Focusing on Divorce, Child Custody & Litigation

Tulsa, OK Law Firm
918.585.1107

Divorcing a Control Freak in Oklahoma Requires Strategy

It has been well documented that divorcing a narcissist can be a very difficult obstacle to overcome. With that said, divorcing a control freak in Oklahoma presents a whole new bag of issues and challenges for many individuals, as a “my way or the highway” attitude is the calling card of many control freaks.

Divorcing a control freak in Oklahoma

Simply put: this is not the type of mindset any party should be subjected to in what is supposed to be a shared and committed relationship.

If you or someone close to you is trying to end a relationship with a control freak, our experienced and accomplished team of Tulsa divorce attorneys at Fry & Elder empathize with the challenges you are facing and wish to offer some strategies to incorporate when divorcing a control freak in Oklahoma.

Self-Preservation is a Must

If you have been involved in a serious relationship with a control freak, chances are your self-esteem has taken a hit. This, however, should not be the case.

By seeking to end the toxic relationship, you have taken arguably the biggest step in reclaiming your life.

Keep moving forward.

Seek out friends and family to interact with and lean on, particularly during rough times. Think about trying out different activities such as taking up CrossFit, a cooking class or attending a Meetup group which will allow you to further showcase your individualism and newfound independence.

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Document Everything

Whether you are divorcing a narcissist or a control freak, it is important that you keep records of all correspondence, including text messages, emails, voicemails and social media messaging/posts. This will help you further validate and reinforce your ex’s controlling patterns.

Documentation could also be particularly useful to your attorney when he or she advocates for you in court or in mediation.

Establish Boundaries

This likely won’t be easy, but establishing boundaries will be vital in your quest to terminate a relationship with a control freak.

One boundary you could establish would be to limit correspondence to only one communication channel (email) to correspond with your ex. You may even want to take it a step further and limit communication with your ex to just one day per week.

If you have children, another boundary you likely would want to implement would be to have a neutral pickup and drop-off location that’s open to the public so that you have witnesses should your ex act hostile toward you.

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Understand the Core Issue Behind a Controlling Personality

In establishing boundaries and limitations, it is important to understand that at the root of most control freaks are deeply-rooted issues with anxiety.

As Psychology Today pointed out in a 2015 article:

“While there are some out there who are controlling because they are into power or feel entitled and expect the world to go their way, for most controlling people it’s all about anxiety. Control is a bad solution—but it’s not the problem.

“Often such people grew up in chaotic environments, or with anxious or even abusive parents. As children they walked on eggshells, looking over their shoulders. To cope, they became hypervigilant—always on alert, always anticipating problems.”

Why the Need for an Experienced Attorney When Divorcing a Control Freak in Oklahoma

Divorcing a control freak in Oklahoma or anywhere else presents a difficult set of challenges, making it all the more imperative to consult with an experienced Tulsa divorce attorney as soon as possible.

Fry & Elder’s team of family law attorneys are some of the most decorated in the state and include the following:

Fry & Elder has also been named to the U.S. News & World Report’s Best Law Firms List each of the past five years.

Contact Fry & Elder today to set up a personal consultation with an established and experienced Tulsa divorce attorney.

Fighting A False, Frivolous Oklahoma Protective Order

Long before Robert G “Hap” Fry Jr. became a distinguished Tulsa family law attorney, he served as the Chief Public Defender for Tulsa County. The skills Fry acquired as a criminal defense attorney certainly have not diminished.

Fry not only successfully defended a client from a protective order, the sought-after divorce attorney was able to turn the tables on the petitioner and have the Oklahoma protective order ruled as frivolous.

Oklahoma protective order

The court stated:

“The court finds Petitioner filed this Protective Order action against Defendant to ‘retaliate’ against Petitioner’s wife and her family and to cover and distract from his own violations of the emergency protective order then in effect against him. The Court finds Petitioner filed the instant protective order action frivolously and no victim exists.”

This ruling opens the door for the Respondent (defendant) to secure attorney fees against the Petitioner, which Fry said his client fully intends to do.

“It’s an unusual case, which has a lot of moving parts,” Fry said, “A request for a frivolous ruling from the court is unusual, primarily because most people don’t know that it is available and must be alleged in a response to an emergency protective order.”

Oklahoma Protective Orders Trending Up

Oklahoma protective orders are on the rise. The Tulsa World reported in 2017 that protective orders in Tulsa County “doubled from 2015 and 2016.”

As an acclaimed Oklahoma law firm, which has been named to the U.S. News & World Report’s elite Best Law Firms List every year since 2014, Fry & Elder understands the significant importance protective orders have as a legal boundary for victims to protect themselves against psychological and physical abuse.

However, there also are times when protective orders might be abused.

Protective orders intersect family law with criminal law. Though not always the case, protective orders can be misused as a means for a spouse or family member to get you out of the house or to get emergency custody of children.

Fry & Elder’s experienced team of Oklahoma family law and criminal defense attorneys want you to know that the ramifications of having a protective order filed against you can be detrimental.

Below is some information you need to know about Oklahoma protective orders.

What is a Protective Order?

Protective orders in Oklahoma are defined and governed by the “Protection from Domestic Abuse Act.” Protective orders are typically entered against a family or household member when a victim has experienced or feels a threat of:

  • Domestic violence
  • Harassment
  • Stalking
  • Sexual assault

There are two types of protective orders which can be filed in Oklahoma: an emergency ex parte order of protection and a final or permanent order of protection.

What Having an Oklahoma Protective Order Filed Against You Means?

Having a protective order filed against you can have very serious consequences which can potentially affect your parenting rights and employment opportunities.

Once a protective order has been served, the defendant may not have contact with the person protected by the order until the protective order is lifted. Violation of a protective order can result in criminal charges.

Oklahoma protective orders are initially heard on an “ex parte” basis, which means the defendant (the person who is accused of abuse, stalking, or harassment) has no opportunity to be heard or to challenge the protective order when it is first filed. When the protective order is granted, a court hearing date is set by the judge and the protective order petition, order, and notice of the hearing is set for service upon the defendant. A trial will be held at that set date and time to determine if a protective order is necessary.

If a permanent protective order is granted there is a chance you could lose your job and your professional license in certain circumstances. You also will no longer be legally allowed to possess or transport a firearm.

Protective orders are serious and the violation of a protective order can bring about even greater consequences.

What are the Consequences of Violating an Oklahoma Protective Order?

If you have had a protective order filed against you, it is important that you understand the serious nature of it and contact a proven Oklahoma protective order defense attorney to help you challenge it. Violation of a protective order can result in the following:

  • 1st offense: misdemeanor, up to one year in jail and a fine of up to $1,000
  • 1st offense resulting in injury: misdemeanor, 20 days to one year in jail and a fine of up to $5,000
  • 2nd offense: felony, 1 to 3 years in prison and a fine of $2,000 to $10,000
  • 2nd offense resulting in injury: felony, 1 to 5 years in prison and a fine of $3,000 to $10,000  

Oklahoma protective order

Why Experience the Fry & Elder Difference

With roots dating back to 1932, Fry & Elder has long epitomized Oklahoma legal excellence in family law, criminal law, immigration law and personal injury law. The firm and its attorneys have been the subject of 36 articles by various Oklahoma media outlets since 2014.

The firm’s lineup of attorneys is comprised of:

Among the many titles and accomplishments Fry & Elder trial lawyers have recently collected include the following:

If you think you have been the victim of a false or frivolous Oklahoma protective order, we encourage you to contact Fry & Elder as soon as possible to set up an immediate consultation with a proven Oklahoma protective order defense attorney.

Barteaux Reappointed As Cherokee Nation District Judge

The Honorable T. Luke Barteaux has been reappointed.

Barteaux, who made Fry & Elder history on May 15, 2017 when he became the firm’s first attorney to be sworn in as judge, was reappointed as a Cherokee Nation District Judge on February 12, 2018 by the Cherokee Nation Tribal Council. His new term will continue until February of 2022.

Cherokee Nation District Judge

“I feel deeply honored to be reappointed,” Barteaux said. “This is a position that is very important to me and one which comes with a lot of responsibility. To be able to continue to serve the Cherokee Nation in this capacity really is quite an honor and one that I hold very dearly.”

Cherokee Nation Tribal Council Speaker Joe Byrd stated in a release that the court has full confidence in Barteaux and that he will only continue to flourish in the position.

“I believe Judge Luke Barteaux has represented the Cherokee Nation well since he took an oath last year to serve the tribe’s court system. Over the next four years as he becomes accustomed to his position, I expect he’ll continue to bring a level of sophistication to our courts.”

Barteaux’s wife Sarah held the Bible when he was initially sworn in as judge in 2017. This time around, it was Barteaux’s mother Lisa who held the Bible as Cherokee Nation Supreme Court Chief Justice John Garrett administered the oath to the Cherokee Nation District Judge.

“They’re the two most important women in my life,” Barteaux said. “I feel very fortunate to be able to include them in the oath of office ceremony.”

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With Fry & Elder since 2011, Barteaux has distinguished himself as an elite Oklahoma family law attorney whose practice areas include divorce/dissolution of marriage, family law litigation, child custody and visitation, modifications, child support, alimony, guardianships, adoptions, collaborative divorce, legal separation, juvenile law, and mediation.

He has been named to Super Lawyers® Rising Stars every year since 2015 and served as the Oklahoma Bar Association Family Law Section Chair in 2016.

“Luke has done a phenomenal job throughout his career as a trial lawyer,” Fry & Elder partner M. Shane Henry said. “He is highly regarded and has taken on a number of leadership positions with the Oklahoma Bar Association. It is an honor to work alongside of him.

Contact Fry & Elder Tulsa or Fry & Elder Oklahoma City today to set up a personal consultation with Barteaux.

Oklahoma Alimony Support No Longer a Tax Deduction in 2019

Changes to Oklahoma alimony support are on the horizon.

Oklahoma alimony support

Under the recently passed Tax Cuts and Jobs Act signed into law by President Donald Trump, alimony (also known at spousal support) will no longer be deductible by the payor and count as income by the recipient. The provisions will not affect divorce decrees and separation agreements entered before Dec. 31, 2018, but those signed after would be impacted.

The Oklahoma alimony support lawyers of Fry & Elder are well aware that ending the 76-year old deduction could drastically impact many divorce settlement negotiations and agreements and are taking a proactive approach in preparing for the imminent changes set to come to Oklahoma alimony support.

“The change in tax treatment will have obvious effects on settlement agreements, as the tax deduction is often an important consideration when crafting a settlement agreement that includes support alimony,” local attorney Amy Page said in an email directed to Fry & Elder attorneys. “We are aware of these effects and are and will continue to be prepared to educate our clients about them as well.”

Oklahoma Alimony Support Defined

Alimony in Oklahoma and most other states is financial support paid by one spouse to another after divorce. Oklahoma alimony terms can be agreed upon by the parties involved or a judge can decide. Spousal support payments typically come in monthly installments but also can be paid in one large lump sum.

Unlike child support, there is no set formula to determine spousal support in Oklahoma. There also is no set time frame on how long a spouse can expect to pay or receive alimony. When determining the amount of spousal support to be paid, the following components often apply:

  • The length of the marriage
  • The health and age of each spouse
  • The mode of living to which each spouse has become accustomed during the marriage
  • Evidence of a spouse’s own income-producing capacity and the time necessary to make the transition for self-support
  • Demonstrated need during the post-matrimonial economic readjustment period
  • The parties’ station in life
  • The earning ability and education of each spouse
  • The parties’ physical condition and financial means

The Potential Impact of the Tax Provisions to Oklahoma Alimony Support

As Amy Page alluded to, changes to the tax treatment of spousal support could be far reaching, particularly at the negotiation table where the ability to use alimony deduction was often a powerful bargaining chip.

With only one year remaining for alimony to be claimed as a deduction, it has been reported that some family law attorneys are advising couples considering divorce to file this year – before the deduction is eliminated.

Politico quoted former American Bar Association Family Law Section Chair Mary Vidas as saying: “Now’s not the time to wait. If you’re going to get a divorce, get it now.”

The reasoning behind Vidas’ recommendation may stem from the fact that with alimony being wiped out as a deduction, more disputes could emerge between the two parties and what they deem as a fair number for spousal support.

“The deduction substantially reduces the cost of alimony payments – for people in the highest income-tax bracket, it means every dollar they spend to support a former spouse really costs them a little more than 60 cents.”

Added Pittsburgh family law attorney Brian Vertz:

“The repeal reduces the bargaining power of vulnerable spouses, mostly women, in achieving financial stability after a divorce.”

Though alimony was historically awarded to the wife, this is not the case anymore. Gender is now irrelevant when determining Oklahoma alimony support, meaning either the husband or wife can receive alimony.

Why Experience the Fry & Elder Difference?

Robert G “Hap” Fry Jr.’s divorce philosophy to “always seek mediation and resolution first, but when a compromise can’t be made to shoot all the bullets you have and throw the empty gun at them” has long been a hallmark of the firm. That said, Fry & Elder has remained proactive in staying up to date with Oklahoma family law practices, including spousal support.

The firm has been named to the U.S. News & World Report’s Best Law Firms List every year since 2014 and Is comprised of an experienced team of family law attorneys which include:

Should you have any additional questions in regards to Oklahoma alimony support or any other family law matter, we encourage you to contact Fry & Elder Tulsa today to set up a personal consultation with a proven family law attorney.