It has been well documented that divorcing a narcissist can be a very difficult obstacle to overcome. With that said, divorcing a control freak in Oklahoma presents a whole new bag of issues and challenges for many individuals, as a “my way or the highway” attitude is the calling card of many control freaks.
Simply put: this is not the type of mindset any party should be subjected to in what is supposed to be a shared and committed relationship.
If you or someone close to you is trying to end a relationship with a control freak, our experienced and accomplished team of Tulsa divorce attorneys at Fry & Elder empathize with the challenges you are facing and wish to offer some strategies to incorporate when divorcing a control freak in Oklahoma.
Self-Preservation is a Must
If you have been involved in a serious relationship with a control freak, chances are your self-esteem has taken a hit. This, however, should not be the case.
By seeking to end the toxic relationship, you have taken arguably the biggest step in reclaiming your life.
Keep moving forward.
Seek out friends and family to interact with and lean on, particularly during rough times. Think about trying out different activities such as taking up CrossFit, a cooking class or attending a Meetup group which will allow you to further showcase your individualism and newfound independence.
Whether you are divorcing a narcissist or a control freak, it is important that you keep records of all correspondence, including text messages, emails, voicemails and social media messaging/posts. This will help you further validate and reinforce your ex’s controlling patterns.
Documentation could also be particularly useful to your attorney when he or she advocates for you in court or in mediation.
This likely won’t be easy, but establishing boundaries will be vital in your quest to terminate a relationship with a control freak.
One boundary you could establish would be to limit correspondence to only one communication channel (email) to correspond with your ex. You may even want to take it a step further and limit communication with your ex to just one day per week.
If you have children, another boundary you likely would want to implement would be to have a neutral pickup and drop-off location that’s open to the public so that you have witnesses should your ex act hostile toward you.
Understand the Core Issue Behind a Controlling Personality
In establishing boundaries and limitations, it is important to understand that at the root of most control freaks are deeply-rooted issues with anxiety.
As Psychology Today pointed out in a 2015 article:
“While there are some out there who are controlling because they are into power or feel entitled and expect the world to go their way, for most controlling people it’s all about anxiety. Control is a bad solution—but it’s not the problem.
“Often such people grew up in chaotic environments, or with anxious or even abusive parents. As children they walked on eggshells, looking over their shoulders. To cope, they became hypervigilant—always on alert, always anticipating problems.”
Why the Need for an Experienced Attorney When Divorcing a Control Freak in Oklahoma
Divorcing a control freak in Oklahoma or anywhere else presents a difficult set of challenges, making it all the more imperative to consult with an experienced Tulsa divorce attorney as soon as possible.
Fry & Elder’s team of family law attorneys are some of the most decorated in the state and include the following:
- A 2018 Best Lawyers® Selection
- One of only 19 attorneys in the state to be a Fellow of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers
- Best Lawyers® Lawyer of the Year for Family Law in Oklahoma 2016
- Four attorneys recognized by Super Lawyers®
- Three attorneys AV® Preeminent Peer Review Rated by Martindale-Hubbell®
- A Cherokee Nation District Court Judge
- The 2018 Fern Holland Award Winner
- A 2017 OBA Earl Sneed Award Recipient
- The 2018 Tulsa County Bar Association Family Law Section Chair
- A 2017 Significant Sig Award Winner
Fry & Elder has also been named to the U.S. News & World Report’s Best Law Firms List each of the past five years.
Contact Fry & Elder today to set up a personal consultation with an established and experienced Tulsa divorce attorney.